You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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