A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
