The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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