Will you blow on my dice?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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