everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
