two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
