my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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