In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
