bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
