ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
