its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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