? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
