I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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