how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
The Olympian is in my bed
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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