pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
