Cold hands, warm shart.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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