So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
