You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
