White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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