She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
