somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
