What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
