Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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