Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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