I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
