i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
