So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
The ass gains better be worth it
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
