My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
