No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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