After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
