i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
nutella sex= disaster
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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