Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
