you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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