I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
