Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
