also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
