Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
