i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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