Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
