You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
