dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
