Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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