he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
