I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
