your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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