So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
