Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
