I look better un-naked...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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