Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
