you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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