he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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